I Love Muppets

When I was in college I still collected stuffed animals of the Sesame Street characters.  Looking back now I am sure my room mate was probably scared that she was rooming with someone with the intelligence of a preschooler when I pulled each plush toy out of the moving box.  I will admit, I feel like I was a late bloomer in the maturity department, but I still believe I have a very child like spirit.  I still hold on to a very strong fondness to the characters on Sesame Street and of course The Muppets.  I think I watched the show so much growing up the team of puppets half raised me. Honestly, I was much more excited than my children to go see the Muppet movie that just came out.  It may be immature, but the dry sense of humor, the underdog story, and the sheer odd placement of puppets whose characters make absolutely no sense  interacting with humans just makes me smile.  As quirky as I have always felt about my love for these characters it appears I am not alone.  At the movie theatre today my children were the only kids there.  During the movie, my daughter was shocked because adults all around her sang "The Rainbow Connection," as it appeared on the screen.  It seems like the impact of these shows not only touched my heart but also many others as well.  So I may have grown up enough to not collect the toys but I still feel like a little girl when I see my family of puppets on screen.

A very special class

 Almost eight years ago now, I decided to make a life style change.  I gained 80 pounds during my pregnancy with my daughter Ella.  I kept the weight on for a year after her birth.  The one thing that motivated me to live a healthier life more than anything else was that I wanted to be a better role model for my children.  Yesterday, my 6 year old son Tanner attended one of my group exercise classes.  Not only did he attend the class he did extremely well.  And he took the class with joy.  He was smiling from ear to ear from start to finish and he took it very seriously.  There were moments throughout the class that I had to fight back tears.  It was such a special experience.  When I was at my heaviest I hated exercise.  I was too embarrassed to go to the gym.  I never in a million years would of thought that I would be teaching classes.  To have the ability to share group exercise with one of my kids, the very reason I chose to make a change, meant the world to me.  It truly was one of the highlights of my life.

Inked

I have 3 tattoos.  I actually love all of them, absolutely no regret.
The first one I got when I was 17.  Yes, that is illegal. I am such a rebel.  I got it with my close friends in high school.  We all got the same thing, a flower on the inside of our ankle.  I think about my girl friends every time I look at it.  The second I got the day after I got married.  It was actually my husbands idea.   It was so unlike him at the time to want to do something so spontaneous and crazy so of course I tattooed his name on my derriere gladly.  The third I got on my 30th birthday.  It is a yin yang symbol on my waist.  I thought it would be wise to have the symbol of balance on my body since it is something that I constantly struggle with. It also was a celebration of the relationship I have with my husband.  I know our relationship thrives because our differences complement each other.  Honestly, I put it on my waist because I was proud of myself for maintaining my weight.  I knew I would never be heavy again.  I love my fitness lifestyle  so it was a reward of sorts for my hard work.
I love the way tattoos look.  I love the stories behind them.  I love how rebellious I felt each time I got one.  I know my skin will start to droop and the colors will inevitably fade, but the memories behind each moment are permanently ingrained.

MY FACE

A colony of pimples are taking over part of my face.  Driving me absolutely bonkers!!!  Every time I complain to my husband he looks at me warmly and says why don't you go see a professional.  Great advice actually, I should go see a professional.  I have consulted nearly all of my friends as well, who all have painfully beautiful skin I might ad, who have all given me wonderful advice as well.  So why, with all this valuable information have I not acted.  Not one of my friends recommended that I go to the local vitamin store and invest in supplements that supposedly control breakouts, but that is what I chose to do.  Why!!! My friends have beautiful skin, they hold the answer, and yet I choose a different path.  I could blame my fierce independence, or my laziness for a quick fix, or my frustration for past poor advice.  I have pondered the thought that I am destined to a life stuck in puberty.  I know this is not the first time I have struggled with a situation and instead of doing something about it, I complain... sometimes even to the point of tears.  So what am I getting out of it.  Why choose to allow boils to take over my face.  I don't take the next step ALOT because I fear the result.  So many of my friends recommend that I take birth control to control my hormones thus controlling breakouts.  I am afraid that I will forget to take them.  LAME!  That simple, that stupid, that maddening.  But really, whether it be my puss face or any other situation, fear of failure seems to always be the nasty villain at the end of the equation.  So today I vow to start poppin birth control pills.  My complexion no longer deserves to be punished for my unwillingness to face my fears.

Shark Attack

Last night I was watching Ella and Tanner playing together.  Tanner got a new toy that has a boat and a shark.  In the middle of their game Tanner stopped and told Ella that if she really got eaten by a shark he would jump in the water and try to save her but if he didn't live that would be O.k. because he didn't want to live without his sister.  Naturally this thought as a mother was extremely disturbing to me.  And, of course as a mother the thought has not left my head.  I explained to Tanner that if he was ever in a situation where someone he loved was in danger, it is  a brave thought to try and save them, but really it is better to try and get help.  The last thing someone he loved would want would be for him to put his life at risk as well.  Ella responded, "You have to admit mom, siblings change your life, I can't imagine a life without Tanner."  I watch them argue all day long, but then I watch them express to each other true confessions of love.  I feel like the relationship between siblings growing up is so special.  There is no editing, if they annoy one another they make it perfectly known.  They express authentic emotions, whether it be mad, sad, happy, or disappointed but if upset they always work it out and genuinely forgive each other. They embrace and accept each other for who they are.  So it is no surprise to me that they can't imagine a life without the other.  It is real true love.

Poke

So today Tanner got in trouble at the gym.  He was poking people.  I asked him why he chose to be naughty.  He said, "I really don't know Mom, sometimes I just feel like poking people."  Don't worry, we had the talk that this behavior is unacceptable, but secretly I couldn't help but smile.  I have a confession.  Sometimes I want to poke people too.  Not hurt them.  Just give them a big poke.  This behavior must be hereditary.

Babies don't shave

My daughter asked me if she could shave her legs the other day. I immediately responded, NO! Then of course I have been thinking about the conversation ever since. My first thought was are you crazy! Your a baby! Babies don't shave! So I told her that my mom told me I wasn't allowed to shave until I was in the fifth grade thinking that would buy me oodles of time. When she quickly responded,cool that means I can shave next year, I was baffled. I wanted to chase the words that floated out of my mouth and shove them back in, not because I didn't want her to shave, but because I didn't want her to grow up. I have been ready and really enjoy her growth intellectually, but this momma isn't quite ready for smooth legs yet. I honestly don't think she wants to shave because she wants to attract boy attention. If anything I think she sees me doing it and has the ridiculous notion that it looks fun. Well, it's not fun! It is a pain! A pain that I know I will eventually have to give in to. Along with many other heart wrenching, wish your daughter didn't have to go through what you went through moments. Slow down sis! I am not quite ready for you to be a big girl.

Cowboy

My favorite quote from this weekend came from my son. We were riding four wheelers on our camping trip and came a cross a group of riders on horseback.  My son was fascinated.  He shouted to them asking if they were Cowboys.  He continued to talk about Cowboys the rest of the trip.  So I mentioned to him that his Grandad Curt is a Cowboy and so is his Uncle Billy.  So then he said as excited as I have heard him, "Oh my Gosh!!! Does that mean I am part Cowboy?!?!
I answered yes, of course.  So he is 25% Italian, his dad was the last generation of the Choctaw nation so he holds a fraction of Native American, a little German, Mexican, and the rest must be Cowboy.
We all hold traits carried over from the generations that proceed us.  I hope that Tanner holds on to a little bit of the Cowboy spirit.  He is certainly proud to have the blood running through his veins.

33 going on 50:)

The other day I got mistaken for my sister-in-law to be's mother. She is 25. I regularly get asked if my mom is my sister. These are two very gorgeous human beings but I must say I feel like I am 33 going on 50. It must be because I am so mature. I know most of the people who utter these remarks are trying to pay those around me a compliment, but I think the next time they may receive a swift kick in the buttocks. How about just telling people they are beautiful without comparing them to someone else, that would be a refreshing change. Don't get me wrong, I do recognize that the women in my life look fabulous. It gives me a little hope that I will age gracefully. I know it is gross to fuss about, I know I am not unattractive. It just gets old sometimes, no pun intended:)

Ride the Rockies

Ride the Rockies 2011

Every time I get ready to tackle the challenge of  Ride the Rockies there are so many elements of emotion that accompany the experience.  Memories of relationships with riders that have ridden with us in the past, the fear of pain due to lack of training, the excitement of a challenge, the panic of bringing the appropriate gear for the elements, and the joy of knowing that no matter what.......memories will be created.  This trip was one of my favorites.  It was my fifth year completing the tour but in many ways it felt like my first.  We stayed in tents ran by a Sherpa service which was awesome slash not awesome at the same time.  It was great to feel so connected to the tour and the other riders and it definitely felt hard core but it was freaking freezing.  The first two nights we went without sleep because we were so cold.  I think the only thing that got us through was our sense of humor.  When you are sleep deprived, fatigued, and your butt feels like it is on fire what else can you do but laugh.   For those of you who don't ride you might be reading this and wondering why in the world would you get excited about taking a trip where the conditions seem miserable.  Well, I can tell you that every uncomfortable experience is worth the pain.  Cycling in Colorado is so incredibly beautiful,but that really isn't why I like it.  It is also an amazing workout, also not really that important to me.  I think I am addicted to the ride for a combination of reasons. 1). The camaraderie. When you spend a week with people sweating, laughing, and completing a goal together it is just special.  2). The feeling of living.  Pushing myself beyond perceived limitations is extremely fulfilling to me.  Spending time out of my comfort zone and taking risks makes me feel alive.  3).  The quiet.  Even though sometimes I am listening to music, I like the ability to tune out the rest of the world and just be.

This year, unfortunately, there was a death on the tour.  We actually rode up to the accident shortly after it occurred.  It has been haunting me quite a bit the last couple of days.  As I rode by I knew he had already past away.  When I saw him they were no longer trying to revive him, the were preparing to load him into the emergency vehicle.  When we approached the rest stop I saw his wife whom  he had been riding with sobbing.  She was riding in front of him so thankfully she didn't witness the accident but was waiting to hear how he was doing.  I can't even imagine how much pain she is experiencing now.  It is a nice thought to die doing something that you love, but it is still a tragedy.  I believe he was only 59.  He still had many rides that he should have experienced.  You can't help but put things in your life in perspective when you witness something so devastating.  Especially when it could have happened to any one  of us.  I am coming home inspired to take my life up a notch.  When I was riding after that experience my all consuming thought was that I wanted and needed to spend more time being active with my kids.  It is way to easy to get caught up in everyday life and forget to live life to the fullest.

I loved the ride. I love the people I rode it with. I love the memories. I will cherish the experience forever.

Mayonnaise

I hate mayonnaise.  I know it is a strong word but the sight of it makes me cringe.  My relationship with the popular condiment got ugly when I was in elementary school.  It is not the taste of it that bothers me so much, instead it is a memory associated with the spread that haunts me.  When I was younger I used to be in a ski racing group so I would go up to Powderhorn, our local ski resort, and hit the slopes every weekend.  One of these weekends I was sitting with a group of fellow skiers and one of the kids was playing with a packet of mayonnaise, squeezing it between his fingertips.  All of a sudden the packet burst and mayonnaise flew across the table and covered my face.  It got in my eyes, up my nose, and in my mouth.  It looked and felt like someone blew there nose all over me.  Gross!  To this day just looking at the spread makes me think of snot.

I think it is so interesting the way our minds work.  The way we can hold on to a memory and it can effect us our entire life.  I know that having to avoid a sandwich spread in the grand scheme of things is not that traumatic.   But there are so many experiences we go through when we are younger that are.  Each experience creates the unique individual we are destined to become, I guess I just wish sometimes working through our issues was as easy as avoiding a sandwich.   

I want my voice back:(

I miss my voice. I used to be a singer. Not a super good singer but good enough to hold a note. Now I try to sing and it sounds like poo. I damaged my vocal chords. A perfect blend of acid reflux and over coaching has led me to constant episodes of scratchy voice syndrome. Yes, I could give up wine, coffee, and coaching. But I refuse. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Next week, thankfully I will be doing Ride the Rockies. I will be on my bicycle, not really able to talk to anyone for several hours a day. I don't think this trip could come at a better time. I really do need to behave so I don't develop more scar tissue. So next time you see me with a coffee in hand, yell at me. I obviously need some accountability. I may not be able to tra la la la la anymore. But if I wasn't able to teach anymore I think I would lose my noodle. I am one of those type of people that if you tell me I can't have something I crave it every second of every hour of every day!!!!!! Dang addictive personality. I better develop a craving for hot tea ASAP. I wish it didn't take me losing the things that matter most to me to figure things out. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Mexico

I never thought a week ago I would be in Mexico. My mom asked me to come on Monday and we were on a plane the next morning. Not only am I thrilled for the oppertunity to partake in the rest and relaxation, but I am moved by the support I received from my family and friends to make it happen. It is hard for me to take breaks. I sit comfortably in go go go mode. I almost think that if mom had given me one months notice I would have turned down the offer. I needed to be shoved into the experience. I am very thankful for the ability to spend close to a week unwinding and connecting with my mom.
I will definitely come home tan. I will probably come home pickled, thanks to the margaritas (or truth serum as my mom calls them). But as the tan fades and the hang over wears off the memories that have been created on this trip will be forever held in my heart.

I will never be a wizard

Screwing up is terrible. I should know. I do it a lot. So the only thing worse in my opinion to the initial screw up is to become a repeat screw up offender. Rarely do I get the luxury of learning life's beautiful lessons the first go around. In the past I used to hide from my mistakes and pretend that they didn't exist. I bet you can guess how well that went:) I have come to the terms with the fact that I will never stop screwing up. If we don't have the inevitable time to time mishap I am not sure if we are really living. But facing each problem head on is the only way to move forward. So I guess the bad news is I will never become a wizard. I can't make things disappear. Good news is I will never become a wizard. I really don't think I would magically make each of my problems disappear even if I could. I love the lessons I am learning along the way.

Life is good

I am officially exhausted. I just got done teaching three classes today. This week put me to the test, it was emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. Right now I am sipping a glass of wine so pardon my blogging slur. I have to say I am proud of my friends. It is weeks like these that I count my blessings and feel so fortunate to be surrounded by amazing people. Why do I like them? They are willing to take a look at the areas in their lives where there is room for improvement. Even if it is scary. And when I ask, they are not afraid to give me honest feedback. They look out for one another. They make me laugh. They are willing to take risks. They are patient but not too patient and I honestly feel like they push me to be a better person. I feel surrounded by love. Life is good.

Fear of the unkown snack

The other day Joe made me close my eyes and told me he had a snack and was going to put it in my mouth. FREAKED ME OUT!!!! So of course I know he wouldn't feed me anything disgusting, or too weird. So why the heck was I so freaked out. He had to force me to keep my eyes closed, and everything in me wanting to run! I think I might have some trust issues on my hands. If I had a hard time letting the person I love more than anything in this world feed me. I MIGHT have an issue! The unknown is scary. Whether it be as simple as the snack my husband was trying to give me or any life experience that lies before us. With out risk though we don't get the opportunity to reap rewards. I could have easily bit into something horrible, symbolic to some situations life brings us. But thankfully I ate it, and it was delicious! Of course he wouldn't tell me what it was. Terd. But I am happy I took the plunge. I can't wait to blindly enter the next adventure with Joe the outcome will surely be worth the risk.

A toast to triumph

A member of ours at the gym shattered both of his feet in a motorcycle accident and still had the motivation passion and attitude to continue to come to class in his wheel chair.   He wrote me an email today describing his personal story.  After being told from Dr.'s that he may never walk again he never gave up.  And is now able to take a full class standing.  Let's just say I was inspired, to say the least.  Even though I have watched him throughout his journey to read his experience in his own words brought tears to my eyes. Not only because I was so impressed by his courage and will but because it helped to put things in perspective for me.  I have been complaining because I have been having a hard time disciplining myself not to go through the Dairy Queen drive through, but a member in my class has the fortitude to fight against all odds.  I have been humbled.  If he can honor his body enough to fight through his pain and speed up his recovery then I am pretty sure I can just say no to an Oreo Blizzard.  I am seriously amazed and moved by his efforts.  Here's to a healthier tomorrow.

Sabotage

I hate that sometimes I forget to do things that I promise I'll do. I sends such an I don't care about you message. It is so selfish. In my case it is not that I don't care, it is my weakness of overcommitment to the point where I become overwhelmed and then I just shut down. Equally gross. Soooooooo disappointing! It is even more sick because I know I do it and still don't stop. I hate letting people down but yet I inevitably set myself up for failure. Haven't figured out yet why I continue the self sabotage. I must be getting something out of it or I wouldn't continue the cycle. Acts speak volumes, I know people are listening, I need to speak up! I wish that all blogs could be positive but sometimes I gross myself out.

My new nemisis

I freaked the freak out last night. Apparently spiders are my new nemesis and they are no longer strictly haunting me during the day but have chosen to enter into my dreams. In my dream last night there were four spiders crawling on the ceiling neon in color about the size of footballs. When one of the spiders dropped from the wall and landed on me in bed I started kicking like crazy to get it off me. I honest to god got a charlie horse in my right calf and am flipping sore this morning from the pandemonium. I think my husband thinks I am half crazy because I couldn't sleep half the night because,duh, I was hunting for spiders. So apparently my glow from yesterday has worn off and I am sporting the red eye zombie look. That with the three pimples I grew on my chin this morning has made me quite the epitome of beauty....that is what happens when I get a little too cocky with myself. I am not sure what the symbolism behind spider attacks are when it comes to dream analysis but I will tell you right now if these dreams continue I am going to have to enter the loony bin. There is not enough coffee in the world to help me with the sleep hangover I am feeling this morning. Warning to all spiders of the world, I hate you, and am not afraid to take physical action. Well, I am kind of afraid, but still don't test me!!!!!!

p.s. No, I didn't cut my hair again.  This picture just captures the essence of how I am feeling right now!

Glowing

So in the past two days I have had three people tell me they like my hair better blonde( a change I made about 8 months ago). I have also had 5 people tell me they like my hair cut ( I cut my hair 2 months ago). Someone even told me I looked glamorous, a pretty difficult compliment to receive when your wardrobe is exclusively spandex. I was starting to think that maybe I was walking around invisible for a little while, but then it hit me. I am glowing. I am happy. Really happy. I am not stressed. I feel organized (for the first time in my life). And, I am not consumed with worry. I feel great........I guess it is showing.

Path of distruction

News flash!  I did something stupid today.  I set my ipad on top of my friends car while I was putting Tanner's car seat in the back seat.  Realized it after she drove away.  Chased her down the street only to find it ran over by a car.  Awesome.  So that following the fact that I spilled a martini on top of my phone last weekend pretty much put me over the edge.  Please do not let me near any of your technological devices, if it is in my path it will clearly be destroyed.  I should probably finish up this blog before my computer explodes.  I am going to go put a fork in the microwave, and drop my blow dryer in the tub.  Peace out!

I don't know where I am going

I ran into gentleman the other day and he asked me if I was doing Ride the Rockies again this year. Ride the Rockies is a bike ride across Colorado. The route is different every year. I have entered the lottery for this ride with my mom each year and thankfully have been chosen to participate. When I told him yes he proceeded to ask me what the route was. When I told him I had no idea I could feel his disgust. "How could you not know?" he exclaimed. I could feel his thoughts. I knew he thought I was a flake, lacking a little bit in the intelligence department. Truth is, I don't know. And chances are I won't even know after I complete it. Riding my bike is so therapeutic to me because I step out of the world of organization, attention to detail, and have the unique opportunity to clear my head. I truly don't care where I am or where I am going I just care about the challenge and the ability to push myself out of my comfort zone. My goal in completing this tour across the state has nothing to do with the route. It has everything to do with the experiences and the memories that are created along the way. And of course the opportunity to spend a solid week bonding with mom, and whom ever joins us. I may have completed every mountain pass in the state, I am ok with the fact that I may never know. I am proud of myself for not needing the notch on my belt, for me this is a huge accomplishment.

Love note

I met my husband in seventh grade. The first day I saw him I sent him a note that said "I love you." I know that is a little aggressive but I can honestly say from that day forward I have had an infatuation with this man. Joe is an amazing human being. I believe that we cross paths with certain people at certain points in our lives for a reason. We were incredibly young to fall in love, but I know it was meant to be. His unconditional love has at times been frustrating to me. How dare someone love me for simply being me. Thank God that he has, does, and always will. I told Ella I wrote Joe a note to profess my love to him. She couldn't believe I would be so naughty. She told me how forbidden notes are in her class room. Maybe it was or maybe it wasn't my best mom moment but I told her it is rare but sometimes you have got to break the rules.

Night night

I am so exhausted today it is a challenge to keep my eyes open. You know you should probably call it a day when everyone you come across asks what's wrong with you, or takes it personally when you aren't radiant with a cheery disposition. I don't have it in me. My attempt at cleansing only lasted a whopping three days, so thankfully I at least have my coffee crutch to lean on. Moving is such an emotional, physical and mental drain. If you don't see me please don't worry I will just be sleeping for the next three days. Sweet dreams.

Lottery ticket

So when I was waiting in line at the grocery store to buy a lottery ticket from the new big vending machine the lady in front of me was having a hard time purchasing her tickets. She asked me if I knew what she was doing wrong. I told her it was my first time using the machine as well. She laughed, and then asked "why in the heck did you choose today, are you feeling lucky?". I told her quite the contrary, I have been feeling pretty unlucky so it only feels right that I would win the lottery to balance out the universe. She thought that was pretty funny and promised to split her winnings with me if she had a winning ticket. Funny though, she forgot to get my contact info:)
This past week, I mean month, I mean year has been quite a challenge. Our family has made a lot of sacrifices out of love. I asked my daughter if she learned anything from living with grandma this past year. She said, " I learned that it doesn't matter where you live as long as you have a roof over your head. I don't care if it is fancy. My family is where you are."
So it came to no surprise when I scratched my ticket and it revealed that I had broke even. It couldn't have been more perfectly symbolic.
I didn't need to win millions to change my view, I had already won.

Skin

I was kissing my daughters cheek  last night and told her that she had beautiful skin.  I told her I wished my skin was as flawless as hers.  She said, " You had your chance.  I am only eight years old, you are like in your thirties or something." Ouch!!
She is right.  That youthful glow is not something you can get back no matter how many facial treatments you invest in.  Each age spot, fine line, wrinkle, acne scar, or enlarged pore on my face could be considered a flaw.  Or it could be a sign that I have lived. I had my chance, and I took it!

P.s. Any one know where I could get my hands on some Botox.

Grouchy

Is it bad that when I ordered a hot tea instead of a coffee and the barista joked with me instead of just taking my order this morning I kinda wanted to rip his face off?  I am going to go with, yes, that is bad.  I started a cleanse today.  I figured a fresh start for my mind, body, and soul would be good for me.  I think I may be defeating the purpose by starting off with such a bad attitude.  It seems like the crap is coming out through my thoughts instead of the opposite end of my body.  I am sure I can survive, temporarily, without my cup of java.  But, you have been officially warned.  If you like your face....don't mess with me:)

Ravishing

I started wearing lip stick at very young age. My grandma would always apply bright pink or purple lipstick before entering any public place. She never wore any other form of make up but would not go any where without putting on her lips. After she applied She would always allow me to follow suit. I remember feeling so special and so grown up. I am sure I was a sight to see, an eight year old with bright purple lip stick, but I felt beautiful. My grandma always made me feel like I was the most important person in the world.
This past week I came up the stairs after sleeping in late with my children to find my grandma trying to make a fire. There was dark ash all over the carpet. I was panic stricken; afraid of what would have happened if the house had caught fire. Because of this and many other incidents I have sadly come to the realization that my grandmother requires much more care than I am capable of giving. The safety of her and my babies are not worth the risk for us to continue living with her. My heart hurts.
I will always remember my grandma as a woman who loved me with all her heart. She has made a huge impression on who I am as a human being. I have learned more about life and what is truly important in the past year than I ever thought possible. I may not live under the same roof with my grandma but a piece of her will live with me forever. To this day I never go anywhere without my lipgloss, I never will. My grandma said it makes me look ravishing.

Road Trip

My family and I decided to take a spontaneous trip to Denver yesterday.  We hit the road for our 5 hour road trip at 8:30pm.  Crazy?  Absolutely.  Worth it?  Definitely.  I haven't smiled that much in a long time.  We were feeling a little guilty that both Joe and I had to work over Spring Break so we decided to make a last ditch effort to increase the fun factor.  I have created a list of highlights of my favorite moments.  I hate it when I forget those special moments that unfortunately don't make it into the scrap book but are the most magical parts of the trip. 

1.  We pulled into the parking lot of the Aquarium and Tanner says, " Oh my gosh, oh my gosh today is going to be the best day of my life."  You could feel that he truly believed it.

2.  Ella and I were looking at the rattle snakes and I say to her, "if you ever see a rattlesnake in real life you need to run.  They are scary.  She says to me in response.  " Mom, what do you think this is?  This is real life."  Point well taken.

3.  Tanner saw a blue fish in one of the tanks and kept saying, "Look dad it is Doris!"  We figured out he meant Dorie from Finding Nemo.  So precious.  Seriously, why do they have to grow up...... I love those innocent mistakes. 

4.  Watching Ella take pictures of everything she saw.  She thought it was so important to document every part of the trip.

5.  I got to hold one of my best girl friends babies for the first time.  I know how badly she has always wanted a baby girl.  It was so hard for me not to cry.  So happy for her.

6.  I got to talk to my husband.  About nothing in particular but wonderful conversation.  Sometimes a road trip is the best way to reconnect.  I just love him.

I loved our spur of the moment adventure.  I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

Brain fart syndrome

My kids started soccer yesterday.  I love soccer season.  When I arrived at Ella's first practice I was excited to see that there was a group of familiar moms.  I was not all that impressed with myself though because I could not remember anyones name. I HATE those moments.  This tends to happen more than I would like it to. I felt like a jerk.  I am blessed in that I get to meet so many people all the time in class but unfortunately it is very hard to keep track.  I have developed a lot of sisters and brothers.  What's up sister?  Has become a common phrase in my vocabulary for which I am ashamed. I think this week I am going to swallow my pride, carry a fricking notebook if I have to ( I know nerdy) and if I really don't know someones name I am going to ask.  Why in the world is that so scary!  I think it is because I am scared for people to think that I don't care enough to remember, honestly I really do care.  I think my brain is just suffering from fart syndrome. 

Pants

So today I went tanning.  My third day in a row.  I normally never tan, but it is my attempt to convince my brain that I traveled somewhere tropical over spring break.  I must say I am looking like I just got back from Mexico, but unfortunately I don't think it was my beautiful tan that was attracting attention today.  After my tan I went back to work and talked to several members, and then ran errands.  When I came home I realized that my pants were inside out.  I had a big ol' tag sticking out the back, seams galore.  REALLY!!  Sometimes I wonder why they let me walk the streets freely.  I am not surprised I embarrassed myself AGAIN,  I think people half expect me to walk around with my pants on wrong.  I guess I should just celebrate the fact that I remembered to put them on!

Stepping up my mom game

So my husband is back in town.  He went to Vegas for a convention.  When he leaves town it is inevitable that I temporarily lose my sanity.  I truly realize how fortunate I am to have a kick ass husband when he is gone. We really do balance each other out as parents.  So when the scale is weighted heavily on my side I develop a panic like state.  Honestly, I think I need to step up my mom game.  I think I may be leaning a little too heavily on my hunk of burning love.  Dang, being a parent is hard!  As soon as I get it figured out I will let you know......................................don't hold your breath.

My brain hurts

I have been having to make a lot of tough decisions lately.  In each situation there is no easy answer.  No matter how you look at the situation there isn't a "good" outcome.  So I have spent a lot of time contemplating whether or not I have done the right thing.  So here is my conclusion.  There is no such thing as the "right" thing.  No matter how much time I go over different scenarios in my head ultimately the circumstances don't change. Lives change whether the coin is flipped heads up or down.  I just have to believe that every decision is meant to end in a certain outcome for the betterment of everyone involved.  Time for me to have a glass of wine:)

It is official, I am losing it!

There is a spider on the loose in the basement.  I couldn't work up the nerve to get close enough to kill it so I am now paying the price because I am unable to sleep.  Every itch has me convinced that the spider, which I must say belongs in a zoo, is trying to eat me and my children. My laptop decided not to work yesterday, my son decided to go take a pee in the bathroom trash can instead of the toilet, and my grandma was having a hard time making a phone call because she was dialing on the T.V. remote control.  No hot water this morning so again no shower for me. (day 3...I know gross) You could say that my patience is being tested.  I apparently have developed a new coping mechanism because in each situation I couldn't stop laughing.  No worries I am not cruel or a bad parent.  I didn't let anyone else see.  But I think when you reach a point where the trials and tribulations in your life become this ridiculous. What the heck else can you do.  It is official I am losing my mind, but at least I am going out with a smile on my face.

Little Brother

Tomorrow is my brother's birthday.  Sometimes watching my daughter and son makes me feel like I am living my life all over again through different eyes.  I remember growing up feeling like my brother was the most annoying person on the planet.  That he was purposefully trying to do whatever he could to make me miserable.  I was really hard on him.  Being a big sister is tough.  I watch Ella get so frustrated with Tanner and part of me feels so much compassion for her.  As naughty as my son can be sometimes all he really ever wants is attention.  And most of the time whether it is positive or negative he is craving it from his big sister.  He looks up to her so much. Almost everyday Tanner tries to give her a present, or tell her she is beautiful, or tells her that he loves her more than anything in the world.  It makes my heart melt.  Ella rolls her eyes.  Although, as much as she claims to be annoyed constantly by her brother when he is not around all she talks about is how she wonders what he is doing.  If we are at the store she always points out things Tanner would like.  And if she asks for candy she always grabs some for her brother as well without influence.  As much as my children fight they also show an incredible amount of love for each other.  They will cuddle watching movies together.  Ella will be the first to stick up for Tanner if she sees someone being mean to him.    And sometimes watching them play or dance together you would find it hard to believe they ever fought.  I love listening to them make each other laugh.  I can't imagine a life without my brother.  The bond I have with him is so hard to explain because it is so different from any other relationship I have ever had.  When I am around him I still kind of want to pinch him but in the same moment I want to tell him how incredibly proud of him I am.  I know without a doubt he would always be there for me and vice versa.  If Ella and Tanner only knew how incredibly lucky they are to have each other.  I pray that someday they will be just as close as my brother and I are.  I love him more than I could ever put into words.

Selfish

Sometimes I don't share my gum with my kids.  I drink a latte every day.  I make sure I get a work out in everyday that I want to.  Girls night out at least once a month is a must.  I buy at least one thing for myself every time I get the opportunity to go to a Lu Lu Lemon store.  I don't let other people pick my daughter up from school for play dates because it is normally the only alone time I get to spend with her.  And, I watch the Today show every morning instead of cartoons. You could say I am selfish.....and proud to be so.  I had a conversation with a friend of mine this week.  She was telling me that her mother never added cream to her coffee until she found out she had Lou Gehrig's disease.  I think that statement will stick with me the rest of my life.  I want to enjoy the little things in life.  Why not enjoy each day as if it was your last?  By choosing  to be a little selfish and bring joy into our lives we can then turn around and bring more joy to others.

Party of one

This weekend a friend of mine did me a favor.  I wish more people did favors like this for their friends.  She watched my kids for me.  Not because she knew I had a special occasion to go to.  Not because it was a prearranged play date for our children to play together.  Just simply because she loved me and my children and knew I could use a break.  What a gift. There is not a day that goes by that I don't feel overwhelmed from being a mom, a manager, a wife, a caretaker, a friend, and simply just being me.  May not seem hard compared to some but I think we could all use a break sometimes. I crave alone time.  I went to go see a movie.  It was wonderful!  I got a gigantic soda, popcorn, and ice cream. Yes, I know that is not the healthiest combination.....but sometimes you have to celebrate the little things.  My personal party of one was dedicated to celebrating relaxation, friendship, and the amazing talent I got the opportunity to witness.    I feel refreshed, and rejuvenated from my mini escape from reality.  And inspired by the kindness of my dear friend.

Craving me some ZZZZZZZs

The past three nights I have not been able to sleep.  Someone told me that it was a full moon so that may have something to do with it but I am getting freaking frustrated! My head has not hit the pillow until around 2 or 3am each night.  I should be exhausted!  I am not all consumed in a thought.  I haven't been abusing my caffeine intake.  If anything I am simply bored and annoyed.  I wish I was smart enough to use the time wisely and get a project done, but no instead I have just been tossing and turning.  Lame!  I find that I am not very pleasant to be around when I am sleep deprived.  My thoughts are cloudy, I am grouchy, and feel sluggish.  Please, please, please stop the insanity.  I am craving an outcome resulting in some ZZZZZZZZZZZZZs.  Peace out, I am going to go count me some flippin sheep!

Bring back the leotards

Is it weird that part of me really wishes that people wore leotards, tights, and legwarmers to the gym?   I remember my mom used to have a pair of red and black zebra spandex that she would wear under her leotard and I thought she was the coolest woman on the planet.  I love that that era has a distinct recognizable look. It was so uncool if you didn't abide by the fashion standards.  You know you all double folded your jeans, flipped up your collar and wore at least two pair of different colored socks, or jellies of course.  I dress up in the old school get up every Halloween, but I am starting to think  one day I should randomly show up wearing the signature eighties look, butt floss and all to the gym.  My style is already a little out there.  You could say I dress loud.  The funny thing is, I don't think anyone would be surprised.  I am rallying for an eighties comeback!

Traumatized

My daughter and I went skiing again on Sunday.  She hit a tree.  I can't stop thinking about it.  She is fine, not even a bruise on her body.  Her resilience baffles me.  I on the other hand am not quite O.K. I keep reenacting her accident in my head, questioning what I could have done differently.  Playing the what if game, and thanking God that she wasn't injured.  Watching your child get hurt has got to be one of the hardest experiences a human being has to go through.  As the ski patrol carried her down the mountain on the toboggan I cried the whole way down.  By that point I already knew she was going to be alright they just wanted to be on the safe side, but I couldn't stop thinking about how awful the outcome could have been.  I am feeling very thankful right now, but definitely traumatized.

Hard

At Grandma's house there was a cross stitch picture on the wall in the basement that says, " Yard by yard life is hard, inch by inch it's a cinch."  Of all the pictures that we took down when we moved in Joe kept this one up.  I think he thought it would help us keep a positive attitude during the tough times that we were inevitably facing.  I tore it down this morning.  I totally disagree.  Life is hard no matter how you look at it.  Not in a bad way.  It is just hard.  And the closer we look at ourselves in refined detail the more excruciating yet worth while it becomes.  Life in smaller doses does not make anything easier. Life is Life.  It is beautiful, it is messy, it is exhilarating, and life is hard. 

Cookies

Girl Scout cookies are evil:)  Of course I bought 4 boxes from the cutest girl scout ever, but am I going to eat them? NO!  I bought them before I made a commitment to change.   So here is the deal, I am not going to let a cookie stand between me and my goals.  Sacrifice is required to move towards my dreams.  I am paying my cookies forward.  Don't worry I will not donate them to anyone reading this blog because I am not going to sabotage you either.  I am making a pact with myself that next year I will make a donation to the girls instead of putting myself through this mental torment.  I have let far too many "cookies"  stand in my way. 
Today I made a pact with myself that I am no longer going to think about where I want to go in life, I am going to act.  I am going to make a plan and I am going to see it through.  I don't need an invitation to live my life to the fullest.  Dang, I am gonna miss those cookies.  When I get to where I want to go though I have a feeling it will taste so much sweeter.

Oops!

So I jumped on the scale this week for the first time in months and to my surprise I gained a whopping 10 pounds.  I know why.  I have been naughty.  I am a comfort eater and I have been uncomfortable to say the least for the last six months.  I am disappointed about it but it got me thinking.  There are so many self help books out there on how to lose weight, but nobody ever really talks about the tough part of weight loss.  Maintenance.  When you are losing weight it is so gratifying to see the numbers on the scale drop and the inches lost, but what happens after you reach your goal?  When you see the numbers on the scale go up it is freaking upsetting.  For me it is so annoying because I know how to lose the weight and maintain my weight so I feel worse for not being motivated enough to get the job done.  Why am I sharing?  I guess I just think it is important for people to know that we all struggle, we are all human.  Did I sit on this 10 pound gain and pout?  Yes, for a little bit, but I am over it starting.............................................now:)
Being healthy is staying balanced.  If you start eating like crap you start feeling like crap.  I am sick of feeling like crap.

Learning

So this weekend I got to take my daughter skiing.  It was wonderful.  She has only been up twice, but she has taken to the sport very quickly.  She was getting very confident so after conquering the bunny slope, and a run down midway, she decided she wanted to take the lift to the top of the mountain.  We went down the first run from the top and she was so proud of herself she of course wanted to go back up as soon as possible.  So we did just that.  On our second run from the top she started taking a little more risk.  She was making great turns and started picking up a little more speed.  She was doing extremely well when a couple of skiers got a little to close for comfort and she skied straight into the trees.  I skied up to where she had fallen thinking it would be like any other fall she had taken but this time she was panicked.  The powder was very deep.  I took my skis off to help her and when I took my first step I sunk and the snow came up to my waistline.  I pushed her back on to the run surprised at how calm we both remained under the circumstances and we proceeded to ski down the hill.  After she fell in the trees she continued to fall down several more times.  She was obviously frazzled and getting very frustrated.  At first, I gave her a pep talk after each fall with the attempt to pull her attitude around.  I could tell she was extremely annoyed with me.  So I decided instead of trying to make her feel a different emotion I would step out of the equation and let her feel frustrated.  I know if I fell on my butt several times and someone came up with a big smile on their face saying "its ok" when clearly in my world it wasn't; I would be a little perturbed as well.  She responded much better to me recognizing where she was at, instead of where I wanted her to be.  By not having to mask how she was truly feeling for my benefit she seemed to be able to work through her frustration much easier and actually started laughing at herself when she fell down.  Of all the beautiful moments that we shared that day, I think that was my favorite.  I know that sounds weird that I am celebrating the fact that my daughter was having such a hard time on the mountain, but I truly feel like I got a better understanding of my little girl.  And that I will cherish forever.

Addiction

Right now I am wearing tube socks, my tennis shoes, basketball shorts, my warrior dash t-shirt, my robe, and my puffy green jacket.  No shower.  Haven't brushed my hair.  Didn't wash my face last night.  I am looking smoking hot! I still managed to go to Starbucks.  Thank God for the drive through.

Self Affirmation

So I walked out of my class today giving myself an affirmation.  Out loud of course.  So if our members  talk about an instructor that is coo coo for cocoa pops. That would be me.  Insecurity happens to all of us, but dang it is a humbling emotion.  I watched a new instructor teach her first class today and seriously blow me away.  She was a natural, so incredibly talented.  She was so nervous, but she was able to conquer it and lit up the room.  It was so ironic because I started the day telling her how ready she was to teach, that I wouldn't put her in front of a class if I didn't believe she had what it took to teach successfully and then had to give myself the same talk in the parking lot walking to my car.  Growth is eternal.  The second I stop wanting to improve my class or be concerned about how to better connect with the group in front of me is probably when I need to get out of the business.  I know I am good at what I do.  Sometimes I just need to here it.......from me.

Amazing Experience

I got the amazing experience of teaching BodyCombat to a group of high school students this week.  They were from a local choir department.  Such an amazing group of kids.  The class was jam packed with energy and the effort that these kids put forth was impressive.  The goal of the choir director in introducing them to group exercise was to enable them to feel the sense of empowerment and exhilaration that can be experienced in a fitness class.  I believe the mission was accomplished.  What a cool teacher.  Obviously fitness does not fall directly into the realm of the choir program.  Her act of setting up this event shows how much she truly cares about her student's success.  I was inspired by the  passion she has for her job.

Precious

My children still sleep with us almost every night.  I know some families frown upon this, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.  Inevitably our kids will grow up and before we know it the thought of sleeping with us will be considered embarrassing. So for now before they grow up too fast they are in our bed.  Every night since my daughter was an  infant she has laid down on my husbands or my arm to fall asleep.  I laid down with her tonight.  She is so incredibly clever.  She has caught on to the fact that I have been getting up after she falls asleep.  It is very chilly in the basement of my grandmothers house where we have been sleeping so I go to bed wearing my robe.  Some how with out me knowing Ella tied the belt from my robe to her wrist hoping to prevent me from leaving.  Precious.

The Dishes

So my husband and I used to have kind of an agreement.  For some reason I am starting to think that this agreement has been one sided in my favor. Who am I kidding.  Of course it is one sided in my favor.  At grandma's house we don't have a disposal and the dishwasher doesn't work so we have to do dishes by hand.  I HATE doing the dishes!!  I have no problem rinsing off dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, but  letting them soak and having to touch wet food gives me major heebie jeebies.  So I realize I am 32 years old and am extremely embarrassed to admit, but once again I am going to let my immaturity show.  Our so called agreement was that I didn't have to do the dishes so that Joe didn't have to watch me gag.  Obviously this kind of agreement is not one that could or should last forever.  Tonight I did the dishes, and will continue to do the dishes for many nights to come.  Why the shift?  I wish I could say it was because I realized I was being completely selfish and a little cruel to my husband. But, no, that's not it.  I also wish I could say it was for the greater good and I just wanted to help out more around the house.  But, no, that's not it either.   I love and hate that some of the greatest lessons we get to learn in life are through the reflection of agitation that you project onto others.  I have been disgusted with my self this week because I have been annoyed over trivial things.  My grandma drinks a coke and eats a candy bar before she goes to bed, and then tells me she can't sleep, but in the same breath says that caffeine doesn't effect her.  She also loves fried food, and I dare someone to try and convince her that it is not healthy.  Ridiculous to get bothered by, Right?  The very things that were upsetting me are included in the reasons why I love her so much.  Well, I think I was getting irritated because I thought she should know better.  Gross, I know. She is an eighty year old woman,  she is not going to change, and who am I to pass judgement over a woman who has loved me unconditionally my whole life.  So I realized the reason it was bothering me so badly was I hadn't addressed some of my own "you should know better" issues.  One of which included, you guessed it, doing the dishes.   My hands may look like a prune and I will always hate it, but who doesn't.  I am not going to bed guilty though.  I am also no longer agitated.

Sweet Moves

I don't mean to brag but my son has some pretty sweet moves.  I love that he gets so lost in the music.  Ella is a great dancer as well, but she has already reached the age where she gets shy when people watch.  I wish that never happened.  It is so cool to watch little kids.  They don't care what people think of them, they are free to be.  One of my favorite things to do with the kids is have dance offs.  They think I am so lame, and none of my moves are cool.  I tell them that I teach people to dance at work and they laugh at me and seriously think I must be joking.  I am going to maintain the position that I am cool no matter what my kids think.



Nice to meet you. My name is Trae.

I have been in a funk.  The symptoms: extreme exhaustion, lack of motivation, confusion, and frustration.  I am feeling very fortunate to have felt the funk but am ready to move on.  Why am I sharing?  Well, I think it is kind of important for me to accept the fact that it is ok for people to see me have other emotions besides just happy.  Crap.  You have no idea how hard that is for me to admit. Please don't think of this as a downer blog, in fact it is quite the opposite.  Bologna is no longer my first name. 

Growing Pains



Baby Tanner



So my son was up last night because he had growing pains.  I spent the evening massaging his legs to try and get him to fall back to sleep.  As I listened to my son cry I couldn't help but think this is the easy part.  The growth that we experience in the physical is so painful but at least I could rub his legs and give him some motrin to help ease the pain.  I am not sure my heart will be able to handle his first love, first breakup, or our first real fight.  Sometimes I want to go back to the days where he was still pooping his pants.  I am loving the journey with my little man, but extremely intimidated by what lies ahead. 

Adult Prom Nite

Any evening that includes a little black dress, strawberry balsamic martinis, and chips and gravy is my kind of night.  I went out with my husband and some good friends of ours last night to the Hospice gala and had the best time.  I would say approximately 90% of my life I wear spandex workout attire so to get the opportunity to dress up and feel pretty is wonderful.  I seriously have band aids on almost every toe today because of all the blisters I acquired from dancing in my strappy high heals.  It was totally worth it.  I love to dance with my husband.  I feel very fortunate that he dances with me.  Joe is the yin to my yang on the dance floor.  We don't have cool moves.  In fact, we almost compete over who can come up with the most ridiculous move to try and make each other laugh.  We don't have insecurities over trying to look cool, or sexy.  Although, I think we kinda do because we are truly having fun. Our adult version of prom night will go down in the books as one of my favorite nights ever.   I have the biggest crush on my husband!

P.s.  Yes those are Transformer band aids.  I can only stay glamorous for so long.

Poppy

Most of you probably know that I have been living with my grandma the past 5 months to help take care of her after my poppy died.  Pop's death was very hard for me.  We were very close.  I think about him everyday, especially living under his roof.  I had a panic attack today because I couldn't find the journal that I wrote the speech I gave at Pop's funeral in.  I needed to read it again. Obviously, I found it and decided to write it in my blog.  Since I have a tendency to lose things I figure the internet will make it permanent. 
This is what I said:
My Poppy was very special to me.  I know that there is no way I can express properly the love I have for this man in a speech but I am going to do my best to honor this incredibly important man.
Poppy or Poppa is what all of his grandkids called him and in my opinion it was probably his favorite title.  Pop loved all his grandchildren unconditionally.  This unconditional love is what I will remember most about him.  You could feel his whole being light up the second one of us walked in the room.  My pop would do anything in the world for me and he proved it on many occasions.  Everytime I ran out of gas he was always there to come save me.  He traveled through many blizzards to come to choir concerts to listen to me sing, but those are just examples of his dedication.  The proof of his love came from the way he looked at me and the way he played with my children, and the way he would tell you the most rediculous stories just to get you to smile.  Poppy wasn't the kind  of man who said "I love you," but you alway knew without question that he did. 
The bond I share with my grandparents is much tighter than most people get to experience and I feel very fortunate to have been able to love and be loved by such beautiful people.  They have taught me many lessons about what is truly important in life.
Poppy was the most generous man I know.  He always gave without expectation.  Whether it was a roll of quarters, or the candy Gram and Pop always had out on the coffee table, or the $20 he had in his billfold that he insisted you needed more than he did for gas. 
Poppy was most generous with his time.  He would do anything for anyone if you asked him to.  Spending time with his family was more important to him than anything in the world. 
I asked my daughter, what she would remember most about Poppy and she said, " I will remember that he was the best Pop in the world."  I asked her why and she said, "because he is so funny."  I asked her if she could tell me why she thought he was so funny and she said," Here, let me give you an example."  She then proceeded to tell me a story.  Tanner and Ella were over at Gram and Pops and Tanner found a pair of Pop's underpants.  Tanner asked Pop why he had left his underpants laying around and he explained to Tanner that he was using the underpants as a rag.  So in true Ella and Tanner style they started chanting "Put em on, Put em on!  So Pop took the underpants and put them on over his clothes and wore them all around the house.

Ella was very concerned about me telling that story because she didn't want Pop to be embarrased.  Pop, would never be embarrassed... he was doing his favorite job. Being the best Pop in the world.  I have a million Pop sotries that I will forever hold close to my heart.  I am so grateful for the time and special memories that my kids were able to share with him as well. 

I am not going to lie to you.  I am mad I don't get to spend more time with Poppy.  I miss him so bad it hurts.  I wanted him to watch Tanner and Ella grow up.  I can't imagine a life that doesn't include him.  I will always cherish the memories and the love I felt from him.  I will think about him everytime I eat a garden fresh tomatoe, and everytime I drive by a tool store, if I ever get home made ice cream or have a peach shake, or see a ball game. I will think about him every time there is a special moment in my childrens life that I wish I could share with him. 

I couldn't have asked for better grandparents.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me and for simply being you.

I love you forever.

Eyeshadow Mayhem

I guess that I should have gone with a meat dress instead of the crazy eyeshadow for our Lady Gaga inspired launch of Bodypump tonight.  I wore black sparkles that resembled a racoon instead of a hot pop star.  At least if I wore a steak dress I would have remembered to take it off.  I had to teach BodyCombat right after the launch of pump.  In combat you sweat like crazy so as you can imagine afterwards  I looked a  like a sad clown.  We added a new abs class to the schedule right after Combat and a ton of new members came in to take the class.  Forgot to mention to the class that I had launched earlier in the day so there was a logical explanation for my melted face.  I am sure I made one heck of a first impression.  I kid you not.  I scared my kids when I came home.   The picture doesn't do the craziness justice.  I should have taken a picture of my kids faces that would of given you a better feel for the insanity.  I promise I will wash my face tonight:)

Pimples

I started getting a little cocky with myself lately.  I thought I had conquered my battle with adult acne.  But no, this morning I woke up with 3 craters building up under my skin!  It couldn't be because I fell asleep with makeup on my face the past three nights because I was too exhausted to wash my face.  That would mean I would have to take responsibility for my laziness.  When I was in high school and middle school I don't remember ever having a pimple.  It sounds weird but I wish I had.  At least then I could get more advice with out feeling so alone or awkward.  I am surrounded by people with beautiful skin.  I am sure it is a lot of work but it looks so effortless.  I have invested in facials, and the most expensive skin care lines out there.  I guess this is one more thing I am going to have to admit has to be attributed to my lack of maturity.  Maybe once I complete my journey through post poned puberty I will finally be a big girl.

Teaching with Mom

I got to coteach a class with my mom tonight.  How cool is that.  Not many people can say they get to workout with their parents let alone teach a group exercize class with them.  I owe a lot of my success in the world of group fitness to my mother.  My mom has always kept herself in great physical condition.  When I was growing up I had no idea how hard she worked for her results.  I thought she was naturally thin.  I am not sure if adults can really be naturally thin.  If so I might have to beat them up.  Of course you know I am just joking,  I wouldn't really beat them up.  I would just give them a black eye.  I would have never started going to classes if it weren't for my mom.  She has always been an avid group exercizer, and strongly encouraged me to join her.  I am so happy I accepted the invitation.  That invitation has led to many adventures.  And, I am sure many adventures to come.

My mom and I do Ride the Rockies together every year.  A bicycle tour that takes you on mountain passes all over the state and can be up to 500 miles long.  We cry after we complete it each year.   The pride that you feel for being able to accomplish such a daunting feat, and the ability to do it together is so special.  The connection through sometimes blood, a lot of sweat, and mostly tears of laughter is an experience I crave year after year. 

My mom is a beautiful women.  I feel so lucky to not only share the stage with her but to share the love for fitness.  Thank you mom for the introduction to the wonderful world of group exercise. 

Keys

So this morning my husband had to take me to go get my car.  We drove across town to go pick it up.  As soon as we got there I realized that I didn't have my keys.  Awesome.  So typical of me to do something like this.  Did I forget my lip gloss or my phone.  No way. But I had to forget the only important thing crucial to our plan. I could tell he was  a little more than annoyed with me.  Rightfully so.  So in the awkward silence I sent him an text that said.  "I'm sorry."  He wrote back, "I love you."  I responded, "Thank God."  He wrote, "you are my special lady-don't stress about a key."  I don't think he could have said anything else that could make me feel more special.  I am married to a very patient man.  I love that he has the ability to put things in perspective.  He could have chosen to be mad at me all day, but instead he made me feel more loved.  What a beautiful man I get to spend the rest of my life with.  We inevitably make a million mistakes in our lifetime.  In my case maybe a billion.  Thank God we have people in our lives to love us along the way.

M&M Break up

Curse you pretzel M&Ms the very sight of you makes my mouth drool. How dare you haunt me with your delicious flavor. I am trying to behave and you are constantly making me crave your crunch and your unique combination of salty sweet. If you love me, you will let me go. From this day forward I am eliminating you from my life. No more secret trips to the candy bowl for me. No more convincing my son to grab me one too when he gives in to your temptation. Thank you for the good times but our relationship has taken an unhealthy turn. I am officially breaking up with you.

A day at the playground

So there is not a day this year that I have picked my daughter up from school where she hasn't said her day was wonderful. You can totally tell that she means it too. Her teacher is fabulous. During her parent teacher conference I had expressed concern to the teacher that I was a little worried because it seemed like she was playing with a lot of kids that were younger than her. Naturally, I was a little worried that she was having a hard time making friends her own age. She told us a story of a day where my daughter and a group of girls were playing at recess. She said my daughter was upset because the girls she wanted to play with wouldn't give her a turn while they were playing jump rope and it was really hurting her feelings. If I were the teacher I probably would have went over to the girls and encouraged all of them to take turns so that everyone had a good shot at playing together. Is that what my daughter's teacher did? No. Thank god. Instead, she looked at my little girl and said, "Here is a rope, start your own group." Brilliant. She empowered my daughter. She gave her the tools to be a leader. She didn't let her get her way by complaining but instead helped build up her confidence by starting a group of her own. It is moments like that that can change your life forever. I love that story. I love my daughter's confidence. I love my daughter's teacher.

No Judgement

I have the messiest car in town. It is border line disgusting. Actually, there is no border line about it. It's bad. Every year I make promices to my husband and myself to keep it clean. Obviously, I let us both down. It is a major inconvenience. I am mortified to let anyone see how bad it is and will purposefully park far away so that no one will witness the philth. I am not afraid to talk about it, but when it comes to actually witnessing the disaster it is a whole other story. So I had a break through today. I let a very close friend of mine ride with me surrounded by the mess. Did I think about it? Yes. But the beautiful thing about it is that it didn't bother me the way it normally would. I was still naturally embarassed. I mean for God's sake I think she had to sit on a pile of Starbucks cups. But, there was no judgement. She accepted me for who I was and loved me anyways. I thought about it afterwards. I have in the past, much like my car kept myself very private. I have been very scared to let anyone in to see the messiness in my life. I will always be a little reserved and apprehensive to let people in to my inner most thoughts and emotions but it is definitley refreshing to not be afraid to simply be me. And for the first time ever I actually wanted to clean my car. In the past I have felt like I had to. The hoarder in me will miss the clutter, but I feel like a gigantic weight has been lifted.

The highlight of my day

I am wondering lately if a day will come where I don't embarrass myself. Today, I was running out of the gym to my car in the freezing cold. I didn't have my jacket on so I was in a full on sprint. Before I knew it I lost my footing and skid on my palms, and did a tuck and roll in the parking lot. I wish I could blame it on ice. Unfortunately there was no ice around me, what there was around me was a ton of new years resolution members watching my fall. One car stopped, the guy in it ran out to come to my rescue. As I watched him come towards me I quickly got up and ran the other direction, pretending like it didn't happen. He saw me in the gym smiled and just shook his head. The silliest thing was that I was more concerned about whether or not I ripped a hole in my new fancy workout jacket and pants than whether or not I had an injury. The answer is no. My outfit safely made it through the collision. And the only thing I injured was a little bit of my pride. The great thing about it though is that I haven't stopped smiling since it happened. You have to laugh at yourself. I am a gigantic clutz, but oh my gosh that was so funny. Falling on my face made my day.

Cup of Love

I have an obsession with Starbucks coffee. Especially during winter. I feel like I am seriously magnetized to this steaming cup of love. I have tried to give up this tasty treat before, but have decided it is so not worth it. Life deserves indulgence. The joy that drinking my one pump toffee nut soy late brings me is worth the guilt that I feel for paying the small fortune. So what is so fabulous about it? I love the first sip. Especially during winter. It is so warm and automatically puts a smile on my face. I love that without fail it always tastes the same. I love that the barista making it always knows my name and has it ready before I even order. I love that for just a minute I can escape my world sit in my car and just sip and smile.

Thankful

This morning Gram wanted to make us breakfast. My grandma has told us that cooking for our family is one of the only things that helps to take her mind off of the fact that my Poppy passed away. She made enough food for a small village. Grandma raised four boys and she is cooking meals as if they are still living under her roof. This morning, halfway through our meal, my son asked why we didn't say a prayer before we ate today. So, we all stopped eating. My son asked if he could say the prayer. "Dear God, thank you for electricity. Thank you for forgiveness. Thank you for watching over our family. Thank you for my sister and my food. Amen." We all congratulated him for doing such a wonderful job. I have thought about my sons prayer all day.
It has been a challenging year. One of the hardest of my life. I can't imagine a better way to start the next year than to give thanks. This year I am not resolving to give up anything. We have given up a lot the past year. This year is about being gracious for the things we have. I am so thankful for the time I have with my grandma, I am thankful for the fact that we have the ability to cook more than enough food. I am thankful for my husband and my kids and the sacrifices they have been willing to make. I am fortunate.