No Judgement

I have the messiest car in town. It is border line disgusting. Actually, there is no border line about it. It's bad. Every year I make promices to my husband and myself to keep it clean. Obviously, I let us both down. It is a major inconvenience. I am mortified to let anyone see how bad it is and will purposefully park far away so that no one will witness the philth. I am not afraid to talk about it, but when it comes to actually witnessing the disaster it is a whole other story. So I had a break through today. I let a very close friend of mine ride with me surrounded by the mess. Did I think about it? Yes. But the beautiful thing about it is that it didn't bother me the way it normally would. I was still naturally embarassed. I mean for God's sake I think she had to sit on a pile of Starbucks cups. But, there was no judgement. She accepted me for who I was and loved me anyways. I thought about it afterwards. I have in the past, much like my car kept myself very private. I have been very scared to let anyone in to see the messiness in my life. I will always be a little reserved and apprehensive to let people in to my inner most thoughts and emotions but it is definitley refreshing to not be afraid to simply be me. And for the first time ever I actually wanted to clean my car. In the past I have felt like I had to. The hoarder in me will miss the clutter, but I feel like a gigantic weight has been lifted.