Party of one

This weekend a friend of mine did me a favor.  I wish more people did favors like this for their friends.  She watched my kids for me.  Not because she knew I had a special occasion to go to.  Not because it was a prearranged play date for our children to play together.  Just simply because she loved me and my children and knew I could use a break.  What a gift. There is not a day that goes by that I don't feel overwhelmed from being a mom, a manager, a wife, a caretaker, a friend, and simply just being me.  May not seem hard compared to some but I think we could all use a break sometimes. I crave alone time.  I went to go see a movie.  It was wonderful!  I got a gigantic soda, popcorn, and ice cream. Yes, I know that is not the healthiest combination.....but sometimes you have to celebrate the little things.  My personal party of one was dedicated to celebrating relaxation, friendship, and the amazing talent I got the opportunity to witness.    I feel refreshed, and rejuvenated from my mini escape from reality.  And inspired by the kindness of my dear friend.

Craving me some ZZZZZZZs

The past three nights I have not been able to sleep.  Someone told me that it was a full moon so that may have something to do with it but I am getting freaking frustrated! My head has not hit the pillow until around 2 or 3am each night.  I should be exhausted!  I am not all consumed in a thought.  I haven't been abusing my caffeine intake.  If anything I am simply bored and annoyed.  I wish I was smart enough to use the time wisely and get a project done, but no instead I have just been tossing and turning.  Lame!  I find that I am not very pleasant to be around when I am sleep deprived.  My thoughts are cloudy, I am grouchy, and feel sluggish.  Please, please, please stop the insanity.  I am craving an outcome resulting in some ZZZZZZZZZZZZZs.  Peace out, I am going to go count me some flippin sheep!

Bring back the leotards

Is it weird that part of me really wishes that people wore leotards, tights, and legwarmers to the gym?   I remember my mom used to have a pair of red and black zebra spandex that she would wear under her leotard and I thought she was the coolest woman on the planet.  I love that that era has a distinct recognizable look. It was so uncool if you didn't abide by the fashion standards.  You know you all double folded your jeans, flipped up your collar and wore at least two pair of different colored socks, or jellies of course.  I dress up in the old school get up every Halloween, but I am starting to think  one day I should randomly show up wearing the signature eighties look, butt floss and all to the gym.  My style is already a little out there.  You could say I dress loud.  The funny thing is, I don't think anyone would be surprised.  I am rallying for an eighties comeback!

Traumatized

My daughter and I went skiing again on Sunday.  She hit a tree.  I can't stop thinking about it.  She is fine, not even a bruise on her body.  Her resilience baffles me.  I on the other hand am not quite O.K. I keep reenacting her accident in my head, questioning what I could have done differently.  Playing the what if game, and thanking God that she wasn't injured.  Watching your child get hurt has got to be one of the hardest experiences a human being has to go through.  As the ski patrol carried her down the mountain on the toboggan I cried the whole way down.  By that point I already knew she was going to be alright they just wanted to be on the safe side, but I couldn't stop thinking about how awful the outcome could have been.  I am feeling very thankful right now, but definitely traumatized.

Hard

At Grandma's house there was a cross stitch picture on the wall in the basement that says, " Yard by yard life is hard, inch by inch it's a cinch."  Of all the pictures that we took down when we moved in Joe kept this one up.  I think he thought it would help us keep a positive attitude during the tough times that we were inevitably facing.  I tore it down this morning.  I totally disagree.  Life is hard no matter how you look at it.  Not in a bad way.  It is just hard.  And the closer we look at ourselves in refined detail the more excruciating yet worth while it becomes.  Life in smaller doses does not make anything easier. Life is Life.  It is beautiful, it is messy, it is exhilarating, and life is hard. 

Cookies

Girl Scout cookies are evil:)  Of course I bought 4 boxes from the cutest girl scout ever, but am I going to eat them? NO!  I bought them before I made a commitment to change.   So here is the deal, I am not going to let a cookie stand between me and my goals.  Sacrifice is required to move towards my dreams.  I am paying my cookies forward.  Don't worry I will not donate them to anyone reading this blog because I am not going to sabotage you either.  I am making a pact with myself that next year I will make a donation to the girls instead of putting myself through this mental torment.  I have let far too many "cookies"  stand in my way. 
Today I made a pact with myself that I am no longer going to think about where I want to go in life, I am going to act.  I am going to make a plan and I am going to see it through.  I don't need an invitation to live my life to the fullest.  Dang, I am gonna miss those cookies.  When I get to where I want to go though I have a feeling it will taste so much sweeter.

Oops!

So I jumped on the scale this week for the first time in months and to my surprise I gained a whopping 10 pounds.  I know why.  I have been naughty.  I am a comfort eater and I have been uncomfortable to say the least for the last six months.  I am disappointed about it but it got me thinking.  There are so many self help books out there on how to lose weight, but nobody ever really talks about the tough part of weight loss.  Maintenance.  When you are losing weight it is so gratifying to see the numbers on the scale drop and the inches lost, but what happens after you reach your goal?  When you see the numbers on the scale go up it is freaking upsetting.  For me it is so annoying because I know how to lose the weight and maintain my weight so I feel worse for not being motivated enough to get the job done.  Why am I sharing?  I guess I just think it is important for people to know that we all struggle, we are all human.  Did I sit on this 10 pound gain and pout?  Yes, for a little bit, but I am over it starting.............................................now:)
Being healthy is staying balanced.  If you start eating like crap you start feeling like crap.  I am sick of feeling like crap.

Learning

So this weekend I got to take my daughter skiing.  It was wonderful.  She has only been up twice, but she has taken to the sport very quickly.  She was getting very confident so after conquering the bunny slope, and a run down midway, she decided she wanted to take the lift to the top of the mountain.  We went down the first run from the top and she was so proud of herself she of course wanted to go back up as soon as possible.  So we did just that.  On our second run from the top she started taking a little more risk.  She was making great turns and started picking up a little more speed.  She was doing extremely well when a couple of skiers got a little to close for comfort and she skied straight into the trees.  I skied up to where she had fallen thinking it would be like any other fall she had taken but this time she was panicked.  The powder was very deep.  I took my skis off to help her and when I took my first step I sunk and the snow came up to my waistline.  I pushed her back on to the run surprised at how calm we both remained under the circumstances and we proceeded to ski down the hill.  After she fell in the trees she continued to fall down several more times.  She was obviously frazzled and getting very frustrated.  At first, I gave her a pep talk after each fall with the attempt to pull her attitude around.  I could tell she was extremely annoyed with me.  So I decided instead of trying to make her feel a different emotion I would step out of the equation and let her feel frustrated.  I know if I fell on my butt several times and someone came up with a big smile on their face saying "its ok" when clearly in my world it wasn't; I would be a little perturbed as well.  She responded much better to me recognizing where she was at, instead of where I wanted her to be.  By not having to mask how she was truly feeling for my benefit she seemed to be able to work through her frustration much easier and actually started laughing at herself when she fell down.  Of all the beautiful moments that we shared that day, I think that was my favorite.  I know that sounds weird that I am celebrating the fact that my daughter was having such a hard time on the mountain, but I truly feel like I got a better understanding of my little girl.  And that I will cherish forever.

Addiction

Right now I am wearing tube socks, my tennis shoes, basketball shorts, my warrior dash t-shirt, my robe, and my puffy green jacket.  No shower.  Haven't brushed my hair.  Didn't wash my face last night.  I am looking smoking hot! I still managed to go to Starbucks.  Thank God for the drive through.

Self Affirmation

So I walked out of my class today giving myself an affirmation.  Out loud of course.  So if our members  talk about an instructor that is coo coo for cocoa pops. That would be me.  Insecurity happens to all of us, but dang it is a humbling emotion.  I watched a new instructor teach her first class today and seriously blow me away.  She was a natural, so incredibly talented.  She was so nervous, but she was able to conquer it and lit up the room.  It was so ironic because I started the day telling her how ready she was to teach, that I wouldn't put her in front of a class if I didn't believe she had what it took to teach successfully and then had to give myself the same talk in the parking lot walking to my car.  Growth is eternal.  The second I stop wanting to improve my class or be concerned about how to better connect with the group in front of me is probably when I need to get out of the business.  I know I am good at what I do.  Sometimes I just need to here it.......from me.