Amazing Experience

I got the amazing experience of teaching BodyCombat to a group of high school students this week.  They were from a local choir department.  Such an amazing group of kids.  The class was jam packed with energy and the effort that these kids put forth was impressive.  The goal of the choir director in introducing them to group exercise was to enable them to feel the sense of empowerment and exhilaration that can be experienced in a fitness class.  I believe the mission was accomplished.  What a cool teacher.  Obviously fitness does not fall directly into the realm of the choir program.  Her act of setting up this event shows how much she truly cares about her student's success.  I was inspired by the  passion she has for her job.

Precious

My children still sleep with us almost every night.  I know some families frown upon this, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.  Inevitably our kids will grow up and before we know it the thought of sleeping with us will be considered embarrassing. So for now before they grow up too fast they are in our bed.  Every night since my daughter was an  infant she has laid down on my husbands or my arm to fall asleep.  I laid down with her tonight.  She is so incredibly clever.  She has caught on to the fact that I have been getting up after she falls asleep.  It is very chilly in the basement of my grandmothers house where we have been sleeping so I go to bed wearing my robe.  Some how with out me knowing Ella tied the belt from my robe to her wrist hoping to prevent me from leaving.  Precious.

The Dishes

So my husband and I used to have kind of an agreement.  For some reason I am starting to think that this agreement has been one sided in my favor. Who am I kidding.  Of course it is one sided in my favor.  At grandma's house we don't have a disposal and the dishwasher doesn't work so we have to do dishes by hand.  I HATE doing the dishes!!  I have no problem rinsing off dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, but  letting them soak and having to touch wet food gives me major heebie jeebies.  So I realize I am 32 years old and am extremely embarrassed to admit, but once again I am going to let my immaturity show.  Our so called agreement was that I didn't have to do the dishes so that Joe didn't have to watch me gag.  Obviously this kind of agreement is not one that could or should last forever.  Tonight I did the dishes, and will continue to do the dishes for many nights to come.  Why the shift?  I wish I could say it was because I realized I was being completely selfish and a little cruel to my husband. But, no, that's not it.  I also wish I could say it was for the greater good and I just wanted to help out more around the house.  But, no, that's not it either.   I love and hate that some of the greatest lessons we get to learn in life are through the reflection of agitation that you project onto others.  I have been disgusted with my self this week because I have been annoyed over trivial things.  My grandma drinks a coke and eats a candy bar before she goes to bed, and then tells me she can't sleep, but in the same breath says that caffeine doesn't effect her.  She also loves fried food, and I dare someone to try and convince her that it is not healthy.  Ridiculous to get bothered by, Right?  The very things that were upsetting me are included in the reasons why I love her so much.  Well, I think I was getting irritated because I thought she should know better.  Gross, I know. She is an eighty year old woman,  she is not going to change, and who am I to pass judgement over a woman who has loved me unconditionally my whole life.  So I realized the reason it was bothering me so badly was I hadn't addressed some of my own "you should know better" issues.  One of which included, you guessed it, doing the dishes.   My hands may look like a prune and I will always hate it, but who doesn't.  I am not going to bed guilty though.  I am also no longer agitated.

Sweet Moves

I don't mean to brag but my son has some pretty sweet moves.  I love that he gets so lost in the music.  Ella is a great dancer as well, but she has already reached the age where she gets shy when people watch.  I wish that never happened.  It is so cool to watch little kids.  They don't care what people think of them, they are free to be.  One of my favorite things to do with the kids is have dance offs.  They think I am so lame, and none of my moves are cool.  I tell them that I teach people to dance at work and they laugh at me and seriously think I must be joking.  I am going to maintain the position that I am cool no matter what my kids think.



Nice to meet you. My name is Trae.

I have been in a funk.  The symptoms: extreme exhaustion, lack of motivation, confusion, and frustration.  I am feeling very fortunate to have felt the funk but am ready to move on.  Why am I sharing?  Well, I think it is kind of important for me to accept the fact that it is ok for people to see me have other emotions besides just happy.  Crap.  You have no idea how hard that is for me to admit. Please don't think of this as a downer blog, in fact it is quite the opposite.  Bologna is no longer my first name. 

Growing Pains



Baby Tanner



So my son was up last night because he had growing pains.  I spent the evening massaging his legs to try and get him to fall back to sleep.  As I listened to my son cry I couldn't help but think this is the easy part.  The growth that we experience in the physical is so painful but at least I could rub his legs and give him some motrin to help ease the pain.  I am not sure my heart will be able to handle his first love, first breakup, or our first real fight.  Sometimes I want to go back to the days where he was still pooping his pants.  I am loving the journey with my little man, but extremely intimidated by what lies ahead. 

Adult Prom Nite

Any evening that includes a little black dress, strawberry balsamic martinis, and chips and gravy is my kind of night.  I went out with my husband and some good friends of ours last night to the Hospice gala and had the best time.  I would say approximately 90% of my life I wear spandex workout attire so to get the opportunity to dress up and feel pretty is wonderful.  I seriously have band aids on almost every toe today because of all the blisters I acquired from dancing in my strappy high heals.  It was totally worth it.  I love to dance with my husband.  I feel very fortunate that he dances with me.  Joe is the yin to my yang on the dance floor.  We don't have cool moves.  In fact, we almost compete over who can come up with the most ridiculous move to try and make each other laugh.  We don't have insecurities over trying to look cool, or sexy.  Although, I think we kinda do because we are truly having fun. Our adult version of prom night will go down in the books as one of my favorite nights ever.   I have the biggest crush on my husband!

P.s.  Yes those are Transformer band aids.  I can only stay glamorous for so long.

Poppy

Most of you probably know that I have been living with my grandma the past 5 months to help take care of her after my poppy died.  Pop's death was very hard for me.  We were very close.  I think about him everyday, especially living under his roof.  I had a panic attack today because I couldn't find the journal that I wrote the speech I gave at Pop's funeral in.  I needed to read it again. Obviously, I found it and decided to write it in my blog.  Since I have a tendency to lose things I figure the internet will make it permanent. 
This is what I said:
My Poppy was very special to me.  I know that there is no way I can express properly the love I have for this man in a speech but I am going to do my best to honor this incredibly important man.
Poppy or Poppa is what all of his grandkids called him and in my opinion it was probably his favorite title.  Pop loved all his grandchildren unconditionally.  This unconditional love is what I will remember most about him.  You could feel his whole being light up the second one of us walked in the room.  My pop would do anything in the world for me and he proved it on many occasions.  Everytime I ran out of gas he was always there to come save me.  He traveled through many blizzards to come to choir concerts to listen to me sing, but those are just examples of his dedication.  The proof of his love came from the way he looked at me and the way he played with my children, and the way he would tell you the most rediculous stories just to get you to smile.  Poppy wasn't the kind  of man who said "I love you," but you alway knew without question that he did. 
The bond I share with my grandparents is much tighter than most people get to experience and I feel very fortunate to have been able to love and be loved by such beautiful people.  They have taught me many lessons about what is truly important in life.
Poppy was the most generous man I know.  He always gave without expectation.  Whether it was a roll of quarters, or the candy Gram and Pop always had out on the coffee table, or the $20 he had in his billfold that he insisted you needed more than he did for gas. 
Poppy was most generous with his time.  He would do anything for anyone if you asked him to.  Spending time with his family was more important to him than anything in the world. 
I asked my daughter, what she would remember most about Poppy and she said, " I will remember that he was the best Pop in the world."  I asked her why and she said, "because he is so funny."  I asked her if she could tell me why she thought he was so funny and she said," Here, let me give you an example."  She then proceeded to tell me a story.  Tanner and Ella were over at Gram and Pops and Tanner found a pair of Pop's underpants.  Tanner asked Pop why he had left his underpants laying around and he explained to Tanner that he was using the underpants as a rag.  So in true Ella and Tanner style they started chanting "Put em on, Put em on!  So Pop took the underpants and put them on over his clothes and wore them all around the house.

Ella was very concerned about me telling that story because she didn't want Pop to be embarrased.  Pop, would never be embarrassed... he was doing his favorite job. Being the best Pop in the world.  I have a million Pop sotries that I will forever hold close to my heart.  I am so grateful for the time and special memories that my kids were able to share with him as well. 

I am not going to lie to you.  I am mad I don't get to spend more time with Poppy.  I miss him so bad it hurts.  I wanted him to watch Tanner and Ella grow up.  I can't imagine a life that doesn't include him.  I will always cherish the memories and the love I felt from him.  I will think about him everytime I eat a garden fresh tomatoe, and everytime I drive by a tool store, if I ever get home made ice cream or have a peach shake, or see a ball game. I will think about him every time there is a special moment in my childrens life that I wish I could share with him. 

I couldn't have asked for better grandparents.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me and for simply being you.

I love you forever.

Eyeshadow Mayhem

I guess that I should have gone with a meat dress instead of the crazy eyeshadow for our Lady Gaga inspired launch of Bodypump tonight.  I wore black sparkles that resembled a racoon instead of a hot pop star.  At least if I wore a steak dress I would have remembered to take it off.  I had to teach BodyCombat right after the launch of pump.  In combat you sweat like crazy so as you can imagine afterwards  I looked a  like a sad clown.  We added a new abs class to the schedule right after Combat and a ton of new members came in to take the class.  Forgot to mention to the class that I had launched earlier in the day so there was a logical explanation for my melted face.  I am sure I made one heck of a first impression.  I kid you not.  I scared my kids when I came home.   The picture doesn't do the craziness justice.  I should have taken a picture of my kids faces that would of given you a better feel for the insanity.  I promise I will wash my face tonight:)

Pimples

I started getting a little cocky with myself lately.  I thought I had conquered my battle with adult acne.  But no, this morning I woke up with 3 craters building up under my skin!  It couldn't be because I fell asleep with makeup on my face the past three nights because I was too exhausted to wash my face.  That would mean I would have to take responsibility for my laziness.  When I was in high school and middle school I don't remember ever having a pimple.  It sounds weird but I wish I had.  At least then I could get more advice with out feeling so alone or awkward.  I am surrounded by people with beautiful skin.  I am sure it is a lot of work but it looks so effortless.  I have invested in facials, and the most expensive skin care lines out there.  I guess this is one more thing I am going to have to admit has to be attributed to my lack of maturity.  Maybe once I complete my journey through post poned puberty I will finally be a big girl.

Teaching with Mom

I got to coteach a class with my mom tonight.  How cool is that.  Not many people can say they get to workout with their parents let alone teach a group exercize class with them.  I owe a lot of my success in the world of group fitness to my mother.  My mom has always kept herself in great physical condition.  When I was growing up I had no idea how hard she worked for her results.  I thought she was naturally thin.  I am not sure if adults can really be naturally thin.  If so I might have to beat them up.  Of course you know I am just joking,  I wouldn't really beat them up.  I would just give them a black eye.  I would have never started going to classes if it weren't for my mom.  She has always been an avid group exercizer, and strongly encouraged me to join her.  I am so happy I accepted the invitation.  That invitation has led to many adventures.  And, I am sure many adventures to come.

My mom and I do Ride the Rockies together every year.  A bicycle tour that takes you on mountain passes all over the state and can be up to 500 miles long.  We cry after we complete it each year.   The pride that you feel for being able to accomplish such a daunting feat, and the ability to do it together is so special.  The connection through sometimes blood, a lot of sweat, and mostly tears of laughter is an experience I crave year after year. 

My mom is a beautiful women.  I feel so lucky to not only share the stage with her but to share the love for fitness.  Thank you mom for the introduction to the wonderful world of group exercise. 

Keys

So this morning my husband had to take me to go get my car.  We drove across town to go pick it up.  As soon as we got there I realized that I didn't have my keys.  Awesome.  So typical of me to do something like this.  Did I forget my lip gloss or my phone.  No way. But I had to forget the only important thing crucial to our plan. I could tell he was  a little more than annoyed with me.  Rightfully so.  So in the awkward silence I sent him an text that said.  "I'm sorry."  He wrote back, "I love you."  I responded, "Thank God."  He wrote, "you are my special lady-don't stress about a key."  I don't think he could have said anything else that could make me feel more special.  I am married to a very patient man.  I love that he has the ability to put things in perspective.  He could have chosen to be mad at me all day, but instead he made me feel more loved.  What a beautiful man I get to spend the rest of my life with.  We inevitably make a million mistakes in our lifetime.  In my case maybe a billion.  Thank God we have people in our lives to love us along the way.

M&M Break up

Curse you pretzel M&Ms the very sight of you makes my mouth drool. How dare you haunt me with your delicious flavor. I am trying to behave and you are constantly making me crave your crunch and your unique combination of salty sweet. If you love me, you will let me go. From this day forward I am eliminating you from my life. No more secret trips to the candy bowl for me. No more convincing my son to grab me one too when he gives in to your temptation. Thank you for the good times but our relationship has taken an unhealthy turn. I am officially breaking up with you.

A day at the playground

So there is not a day this year that I have picked my daughter up from school where she hasn't said her day was wonderful. You can totally tell that she means it too. Her teacher is fabulous. During her parent teacher conference I had expressed concern to the teacher that I was a little worried because it seemed like she was playing with a lot of kids that were younger than her. Naturally, I was a little worried that she was having a hard time making friends her own age. She told us a story of a day where my daughter and a group of girls were playing at recess. She said my daughter was upset because the girls she wanted to play with wouldn't give her a turn while they were playing jump rope and it was really hurting her feelings. If I were the teacher I probably would have went over to the girls and encouraged all of them to take turns so that everyone had a good shot at playing together. Is that what my daughter's teacher did? No. Thank god. Instead, she looked at my little girl and said, "Here is a rope, start your own group." Brilliant. She empowered my daughter. She gave her the tools to be a leader. She didn't let her get her way by complaining but instead helped build up her confidence by starting a group of her own. It is moments like that that can change your life forever. I love that story. I love my daughter's confidence. I love my daughter's teacher.

No Judgement

I have the messiest car in town. It is border line disgusting. Actually, there is no border line about it. It's bad. Every year I make promices to my husband and myself to keep it clean. Obviously, I let us both down. It is a major inconvenience. I am mortified to let anyone see how bad it is and will purposefully park far away so that no one will witness the philth. I am not afraid to talk about it, but when it comes to actually witnessing the disaster it is a whole other story. So I had a break through today. I let a very close friend of mine ride with me surrounded by the mess. Did I think about it? Yes. But the beautiful thing about it is that it didn't bother me the way it normally would. I was still naturally embarassed. I mean for God's sake I think she had to sit on a pile of Starbucks cups. But, there was no judgement. She accepted me for who I was and loved me anyways. I thought about it afterwards. I have in the past, much like my car kept myself very private. I have been very scared to let anyone in to see the messiness in my life. I will always be a little reserved and apprehensive to let people in to my inner most thoughts and emotions but it is definitley refreshing to not be afraid to simply be me. And for the first time ever I actually wanted to clean my car. In the past I have felt like I had to. The hoarder in me will miss the clutter, but I feel like a gigantic weight has been lifted.

The highlight of my day

I am wondering lately if a day will come where I don't embarrass myself. Today, I was running out of the gym to my car in the freezing cold. I didn't have my jacket on so I was in a full on sprint. Before I knew it I lost my footing and skid on my palms, and did a tuck and roll in the parking lot. I wish I could blame it on ice. Unfortunately there was no ice around me, what there was around me was a ton of new years resolution members watching my fall. One car stopped, the guy in it ran out to come to my rescue. As I watched him come towards me I quickly got up and ran the other direction, pretending like it didn't happen. He saw me in the gym smiled and just shook his head. The silliest thing was that I was more concerned about whether or not I ripped a hole in my new fancy workout jacket and pants than whether or not I had an injury. The answer is no. My outfit safely made it through the collision. And the only thing I injured was a little bit of my pride. The great thing about it though is that I haven't stopped smiling since it happened. You have to laugh at yourself. I am a gigantic clutz, but oh my gosh that was so funny. Falling on my face made my day.

Cup of Love

I have an obsession with Starbucks coffee. Especially during winter. I feel like I am seriously magnetized to this steaming cup of love. I have tried to give up this tasty treat before, but have decided it is so not worth it. Life deserves indulgence. The joy that drinking my one pump toffee nut soy late brings me is worth the guilt that I feel for paying the small fortune. So what is so fabulous about it? I love the first sip. Especially during winter. It is so warm and automatically puts a smile on my face. I love that without fail it always tastes the same. I love that the barista making it always knows my name and has it ready before I even order. I love that for just a minute I can escape my world sit in my car and just sip and smile.

Thankful

This morning Gram wanted to make us breakfast. My grandma has told us that cooking for our family is one of the only things that helps to take her mind off of the fact that my Poppy passed away. She made enough food for a small village. Grandma raised four boys and she is cooking meals as if they are still living under her roof. This morning, halfway through our meal, my son asked why we didn't say a prayer before we ate today. So, we all stopped eating. My son asked if he could say the prayer. "Dear God, thank you for electricity. Thank you for forgiveness. Thank you for watching over our family. Thank you for my sister and my food. Amen." We all congratulated him for doing such a wonderful job. I have thought about my sons prayer all day.
It has been a challenging year. One of the hardest of my life. I can't imagine a better way to start the next year than to give thanks. This year I am not resolving to give up anything. We have given up a lot the past year. This year is about being gracious for the things we have. I am so thankful for the time I have with my grandma, I am thankful for the fact that we have the ability to cook more than enough food. I am thankful for my husband and my kids and the sacrifices they have been willing to make. I am fortunate.