Movie Night. Black Swan style.

So I love and hate going to thought provoking movies. I love that someone could be so brilliant to create something that can keep you up at night ruminating in your thoughts but hate that I was up all night. I went to see the Black Swan. If you haven't seen it......maybe postpone reading this blog until afterwards. Simply put. Creative mastery. So I am sharing with you the thoughts that I can't get out of my head. Welcome to my scary world.

First thought: So I used to consider myself a perfectionist. Now when comparing myself to a ballerina I think any ballerina would be insulted by my claim. The intense scrutiny that they put themselves through mentally and physically is mind blowing to me. The controversial dedication that is required to be successful is heartbreaking and admirable at the same time. The films ability to capture the insanity that one can put themselves through on their quest towards perfection was impressive. I think that artists that truly achieve perfection, if it exists, seriously lose themselves in the process because they become more connected to the dream instead of the reality. I don't know anyone who has been passionate about anything that hasn't beat themselves up for not committing more dedication towards their greatest love. Even in my world there is not a day that goes by that I don't obsess about how to become a better instructor. What more could I do to be more of an authentic fighter? Do I take Karate, or Tai Kwon Do? How can I channel more authentically into the emotions of the people in my class? But when do you hit the breaking point? When does the dedication become destructive? In the movie Natalie Portman's character never got a chance to live because she was busy chasing her dream of perfection.
Second thought: Passion vs. Technique I have been spending a lot of time thinking about this one. My goal as a Group Fitness Manager is to inspire people to reach their full potential. Now in the movie the head of the dance company was able to pinpoint exactly what she needed to feel and experience to become more connected to her role. Whether it be appropriate or not. No worries instructors that may read this I promise I will never enter creepy ville and cross the line to that extreme but I was inspired. I wish I had the ability to communicate and pull out of someone the invisible but crucial element of success in any art the ability to just lose yourself passionately. In something as simple as group exercise the instructors who connect on a spiritual level rather than just the physical are the instructors that are most successful at packing the room. To achieve mastery it is so much more than just practicing technique. You can do everything "right" but still not get it "right." Connection must be felt. I need to improve my ability to get this out of people. I think because my skills in this area have not been refined I had convinced myself that you either have it or you don't, but now I am thinking I am just masking a weakness. If I can pull it out of a room why can't I pull it out of an individual. I need to be better.
Third thought: Disfunction
Holy Crap! In the movie Natalie's character must have been in her twenties and her room would have been appropriate for a 10 year old. Her mother was so controlling, and abusive in one of the scariest of ways. She was obviously living her life through her daughter, but was competing with her at the same time all the while sabotaging her success. Gross! Alright, but disfunction also makes us who we are. Through our gross experiences we have a choice to grow and become a better version of ourselves. A little disfunction is human and welcomed and unavoidable. The thought that there is a plan for each and everyone of us and that we are never dealt cards that we are incapable of handling kind of eludes that we are destined to our disfunction. Why do some people just simply get the raw end of the deal. She was born into insanity, but without the insanity she may have never accomplished her dream. Heavy. I think I will settle for my mediocrity and maintain my sanity:
So in a nut shell. The sacrifice required to become perfect is not a journey I am willing to take. The sacrifice required towards perfection is a journey I will never give up. It is fine to have an unattainable goal as long as you realize it is unattainable right? So I guess I am not a perfectionist after all:)