I will never be a wizard

Screwing up is terrible. I should know. I do it a lot. So the only thing worse in my opinion to the initial screw up is to become a repeat screw up offender. Rarely do I get the luxury of learning life's beautiful lessons the first go around. In the past I used to hide from my mistakes and pretend that they didn't exist. I bet you can guess how well that went:) I have come to the terms with the fact that I will never stop screwing up. If we don't have the inevitable time to time mishap I am not sure if we are really living. But facing each problem head on is the only way to move forward. So I guess the bad news is I will never become a wizard. I can't make things disappear. Good news is I will never become a wizard. I really don't think I would magically make each of my problems disappear even if I could. I love the lessons I am learning along the way.

Life is good

I am officially exhausted. I just got done teaching three classes today. This week put me to the test, it was emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. Right now I am sipping a glass of wine so pardon my blogging slur. I have to say I am proud of my friends. It is weeks like these that I count my blessings and feel so fortunate to be surrounded by amazing people. Why do I like them? They are willing to take a look at the areas in their lives where there is room for improvement. Even if it is scary. And when I ask, they are not afraid to give me honest feedback. They look out for one another. They make me laugh. They are willing to take risks. They are patient but not too patient and I honestly feel like they push me to be a better person. I feel surrounded by love. Life is good.

Fear of the unkown snack

The other day Joe made me close my eyes and told me he had a snack and was going to put it in my mouth. FREAKED ME OUT!!!! So of course I know he wouldn't feed me anything disgusting, or too weird. So why the heck was I so freaked out. He had to force me to keep my eyes closed, and everything in me wanting to run! I think I might have some trust issues on my hands. If I had a hard time letting the person I love more than anything in this world feed me. I MIGHT have an issue! The unknown is scary. Whether it be as simple as the snack my husband was trying to give me or any life experience that lies before us. With out risk though we don't get the opportunity to reap rewards. I could have easily bit into something horrible, symbolic to some situations life brings us. But thankfully I ate it, and it was delicious! Of course he wouldn't tell me what it was. Terd. But I am happy I took the plunge. I can't wait to blindly enter the next adventure with Joe the outcome will surely be worth the risk.

A toast to triumph

A member of ours at the gym shattered both of his feet in a motorcycle accident and still had the motivation passion and attitude to continue to come to class in his wheel chair.   He wrote me an email today describing his personal story.  After being told from Dr.'s that he may never walk again he never gave up.  And is now able to take a full class standing.  Let's just say I was inspired, to say the least.  Even though I have watched him throughout his journey to read his experience in his own words brought tears to my eyes. Not only because I was so impressed by his courage and will but because it helped to put things in perspective for me.  I have been complaining because I have been having a hard time disciplining myself not to go through the Dairy Queen drive through, but a member in my class has the fortitude to fight against all odds.  I have been humbled.  If he can honor his body enough to fight through his pain and speed up his recovery then I am pretty sure I can just say no to an Oreo Blizzard.  I am seriously amazed and moved by his efforts.  Here's to a healthier tomorrow.

Sabotage

I hate that sometimes I forget to do things that I promise I'll do. I sends such an I don't care about you message. It is so selfish. In my case it is not that I don't care, it is my weakness of overcommitment to the point where I become overwhelmed and then I just shut down. Equally gross. Soooooooo disappointing! It is even more sick because I know I do it and still don't stop. I hate letting people down but yet I inevitably set myself up for failure. Haven't figured out yet why I continue the self sabotage. I must be getting something out of it or I wouldn't continue the cycle. Acts speak volumes, I know people are listening, I need to speak up! I wish that all blogs could be positive but sometimes I gross myself out.

My new nemisis

I freaked the freak out last night. Apparently spiders are my new nemesis and they are no longer strictly haunting me during the day but have chosen to enter into my dreams. In my dream last night there were four spiders crawling on the ceiling neon in color about the size of footballs. When one of the spiders dropped from the wall and landed on me in bed I started kicking like crazy to get it off me. I honest to god got a charlie horse in my right calf and am flipping sore this morning from the pandemonium. I think my husband thinks I am half crazy because I couldn't sleep half the night because,duh, I was hunting for spiders. So apparently my glow from yesterday has worn off and I am sporting the red eye zombie look. That with the three pimples I grew on my chin this morning has made me quite the epitome of beauty....that is what happens when I get a little too cocky with myself. I am not sure what the symbolism behind spider attacks are when it comes to dream analysis but I will tell you right now if these dreams continue I am going to have to enter the loony bin. There is not enough coffee in the world to help me with the sleep hangover I am feeling this morning. Warning to all spiders of the world, I hate you, and am not afraid to take physical action. Well, I am kind of afraid, but still don't test me!!!!!!

p.s. No, I didn't cut my hair again.  This picture just captures the essence of how I am feeling right now!

Glowing

So in the past two days I have had three people tell me they like my hair better blonde( a change I made about 8 months ago). I have also had 5 people tell me they like my hair cut ( I cut my hair 2 months ago). Someone even told me I looked glamorous, a pretty difficult compliment to receive when your wardrobe is exclusively spandex. I was starting to think that maybe I was walking around invisible for a little while, but then it hit me. I am glowing. I am happy. Really happy. I am not stressed. I feel organized (for the first time in my life). And, I am not consumed with worry. I feel great........I guess it is showing.

Path of distruction

News flash!  I did something stupid today.  I set my ipad on top of my friends car while I was putting Tanner's car seat in the back seat.  Realized it after she drove away.  Chased her down the street only to find it ran over by a car.  Awesome.  So that following the fact that I spilled a martini on top of my phone last weekend pretty much put me over the edge.  Please do not let me near any of your technological devices, if it is in my path it will clearly be destroyed.  I should probably finish up this blog before my computer explodes.  I am going to go put a fork in the microwave, and drop my blow dryer in the tub.  Peace out!