Nice to meet you. My name is Trae.

I have been in a funk.  The symptoms: extreme exhaustion, lack of motivation, confusion, and frustration.  I am feeling very fortunate to have felt the funk but am ready to move on.  Why am I sharing?  Well, I think it is kind of important for me to accept the fact that it is ok for people to see me have other emotions besides just happy.  Crap.  You have no idea how hard that is for me to admit. Please don't think of this as a downer blog, in fact it is quite the opposite.  Bologna is no longer my first name. 

Growing Pains



Baby Tanner



So my son was up last night because he had growing pains.  I spent the evening massaging his legs to try and get him to fall back to sleep.  As I listened to my son cry I couldn't help but think this is the easy part.  The growth that we experience in the physical is so painful but at least I could rub his legs and give him some motrin to help ease the pain.  I am not sure my heart will be able to handle his first love, first breakup, or our first real fight.  Sometimes I want to go back to the days where he was still pooping his pants.  I am loving the journey with my little man, but extremely intimidated by what lies ahead. 

Adult Prom Nite

Any evening that includes a little black dress, strawberry balsamic martinis, and chips and gravy is my kind of night.  I went out with my husband and some good friends of ours last night to the Hospice gala and had the best time.  I would say approximately 90% of my life I wear spandex workout attire so to get the opportunity to dress up and feel pretty is wonderful.  I seriously have band aids on almost every toe today because of all the blisters I acquired from dancing in my strappy high heals.  It was totally worth it.  I love to dance with my husband.  I feel very fortunate that he dances with me.  Joe is the yin to my yang on the dance floor.  We don't have cool moves.  In fact, we almost compete over who can come up with the most ridiculous move to try and make each other laugh.  We don't have insecurities over trying to look cool, or sexy.  Although, I think we kinda do because we are truly having fun. Our adult version of prom night will go down in the books as one of my favorite nights ever.   I have the biggest crush on my husband!

P.s.  Yes those are Transformer band aids.  I can only stay glamorous for so long.

Poppy

Most of you probably know that I have been living with my grandma the past 5 months to help take care of her after my poppy died.  Pop's death was very hard for me.  We were very close.  I think about him everyday, especially living under his roof.  I had a panic attack today because I couldn't find the journal that I wrote the speech I gave at Pop's funeral in.  I needed to read it again. Obviously, I found it and decided to write it in my blog.  Since I have a tendency to lose things I figure the internet will make it permanent. 
This is what I said:
My Poppy was very special to me.  I know that there is no way I can express properly the love I have for this man in a speech but I am going to do my best to honor this incredibly important man.
Poppy or Poppa is what all of his grandkids called him and in my opinion it was probably his favorite title.  Pop loved all his grandchildren unconditionally.  This unconditional love is what I will remember most about him.  You could feel his whole being light up the second one of us walked in the room.  My pop would do anything in the world for me and he proved it on many occasions.  Everytime I ran out of gas he was always there to come save me.  He traveled through many blizzards to come to choir concerts to listen to me sing, but those are just examples of his dedication.  The proof of his love came from the way he looked at me and the way he played with my children, and the way he would tell you the most rediculous stories just to get you to smile.  Poppy wasn't the kind  of man who said "I love you," but you alway knew without question that he did. 
The bond I share with my grandparents is much tighter than most people get to experience and I feel very fortunate to have been able to love and be loved by such beautiful people.  They have taught me many lessons about what is truly important in life.
Poppy was the most generous man I know.  He always gave without expectation.  Whether it was a roll of quarters, or the candy Gram and Pop always had out on the coffee table, or the $20 he had in his billfold that he insisted you needed more than he did for gas. 
Poppy was most generous with his time.  He would do anything for anyone if you asked him to.  Spending time with his family was more important to him than anything in the world. 
I asked my daughter, what she would remember most about Poppy and she said, " I will remember that he was the best Pop in the world."  I asked her why and she said, "because he is so funny."  I asked her if she could tell me why she thought he was so funny and she said," Here, let me give you an example."  She then proceeded to tell me a story.  Tanner and Ella were over at Gram and Pops and Tanner found a pair of Pop's underpants.  Tanner asked Pop why he had left his underpants laying around and he explained to Tanner that he was using the underpants as a rag.  So in true Ella and Tanner style they started chanting "Put em on, Put em on!  So Pop took the underpants and put them on over his clothes and wore them all around the house.

Ella was very concerned about me telling that story because she didn't want Pop to be embarrased.  Pop, would never be embarrassed... he was doing his favorite job. Being the best Pop in the world.  I have a million Pop sotries that I will forever hold close to my heart.  I am so grateful for the time and special memories that my kids were able to share with him as well. 

I am not going to lie to you.  I am mad I don't get to spend more time with Poppy.  I miss him so bad it hurts.  I wanted him to watch Tanner and Ella grow up.  I can't imagine a life that doesn't include him.  I will always cherish the memories and the love I felt from him.  I will think about him everytime I eat a garden fresh tomatoe, and everytime I drive by a tool store, if I ever get home made ice cream or have a peach shake, or see a ball game. I will think about him every time there is a special moment in my childrens life that I wish I could share with him. 

I couldn't have asked for better grandparents.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me and for simply being you.

I love you forever.

Eyeshadow Mayhem

I guess that I should have gone with a meat dress instead of the crazy eyeshadow for our Lady Gaga inspired launch of Bodypump tonight.  I wore black sparkles that resembled a racoon instead of a hot pop star.  At least if I wore a steak dress I would have remembered to take it off.  I had to teach BodyCombat right after the launch of pump.  In combat you sweat like crazy so as you can imagine afterwards  I looked a  like a sad clown.  We added a new abs class to the schedule right after Combat and a ton of new members came in to take the class.  Forgot to mention to the class that I had launched earlier in the day so there was a logical explanation for my melted face.  I am sure I made one heck of a first impression.  I kid you not.  I scared my kids when I came home.   The picture doesn't do the craziness justice.  I should have taken a picture of my kids faces that would of given you a better feel for the insanity.  I promise I will wash my face tonight:)

Pimples

I started getting a little cocky with myself lately.  I thought I had conquered my battle with adult acne.  But no, this morning I woke up with 3 craters building up under my skin!  It couldn't be because I fell asleep with makeup on my face the past three nights because I was too exhausted to wash my face.  That would mean I would have to take responsibility for my laziness.  When I was in high school and middle school I don't remember ever having a pimple.  It sounds weird but I wish I had.  At least then I could get more advice with out feeling so alone or awkward.  I am surrounded by people with beautiful skin.  I am sure it is a lot of work but it looks so effortless.  I have invested in facials, and the most expensive skin care lines out there.  I guess this is one more thing I am going to have to admit has to be attributed to my lack of maturity.  Maybe once I complete my journey through post poned puberty I will finally be a big girl.

Teaching with Mom

I got to coteach a class with my mom tonight.  How cool is that.  Not many people can say they get to workout with their parents let alone teach a group exercize class with them.  I owe a lot of my success in the world of group fitness to my mother.  My mom has always kept herself in great physical condition.  When I was growing up I had no idea how hard she worked for her results.  I thought she was naturally thin.  I am not sure if adults can really be naturally thin.  If so I might have to beat them up.  Of course you know I am just joking,  I wouldn't really beat them up.  I would just give them a black eye.  I would have never started going to classes if it weren't for my mom.  She has always been an avid group exercizer, and strongly encouraged me to join her.  I am so happy I accepted the invitation.  That invitation has led to many adventures.  And, I am sure many adventures to come.

My mom and I do Ride the Rockies together every year.  A bicycle tour that takes you on mountain passes all over the state and can be up to 500 miles long.  We cry after we complete it each year.   The pride that you feel for being able to accomplish such a daunting feat, and the ability to do it together is so special.  The connection through sometimes blood, a lot of sweat, and mostly tears of laughter is an experience I crave year after year. 

My mom is a beautiful women.  I feel so lucky to not only share the stage with her but to share the love for fitness.  Thank you mom for the introduction to the wonderful world of group exercise.